Somewhere Over The Velvet Ledge

“There is a place of infinite madness, which no words are fit to describe” – From “Kane’s Game”

Conversely, there is also a place of absolute certitude. Between the two is a great chasm, and frequent travelers to the latter never stay untouched by the experience.

Am I “crazy”? It’s a question I believe that most of us have asked at one time or another. Of course, its usually inferred when one mentions an idea, or method, or a modus. For example, “Am I crazy to think that this just might work?”

This plan, this machine, this life, this show…This! Well, expectations can cause a great deal of unrest when they are not forthcoming in their manifestation. Yet, when expectations are exceeded there is considerable joy to be had.

I had three nervous breakdowns before I was thirty. One of a few things that I have in common with Abraham Lincoln. He was also Bipolar.

This world can get you down. If you’re trying to get ahead, and every door keeps closing, it can be daunting. It’s formidable, to say the least.

In my twenties, I must have worked every job imaginable, it seemed. Because I refused to take medicine in the early days of my diagnosis, I suffered a lot. In my defense, the meds they gave you back in those days were meant to make you compliant and ‘zombified’. Naturally, I didn’t go in for any of that. So I faced the tempest through sheer determination and the power of will. Being made of dust, I broke down several times.

Something was always interfering with my goals and ambitions. I would be on the verge of something great, and then all hell would break loose. In the words of a song, ‘I’d been down so long, that it looked like up to me”.

But still, I kept writing. I continued working, waiting for subtle signs in the wind. Maybe a change was gonna come.

I lost my father when I was 28. He and I were not close at the end, but the love was still there. It was tragic to see him on the path of destruction. I knew there was nothing for me to do. So, I reluctantly watched his demise. I had become resigned to this when I got the call of his passing. In the end, he lost his battle with addiction and mental illness.

My wife and I were in a cult at the time. She was pressuring me (along with the church elders) to get out of music entirely. They thought my ambitions were the root of the “evil”. After all, according to them, the world was ending next week. I had no business trying to make a name in the industry. It was so filled with hedonism and other less desirable things.

Thankfully, Christ was pulling me out of the cult. It took time for me to be awakened to imminent action, but when my dad died, the time had come.

I left my wife. She was really a spy for the elders of the cult. I left the cult as well. I immediately fell into debauchery.

I still thought they were right. They still had me hooked at that time. I was unaware of their corruption and their lies. I did not know about their harboring of pedophiles and rapists. I also didn’t know about all the things that happen in the back room.

So I left believing I was disobeying my Creator, which was really hard for me to swallow. So, I self-medicated at the same time I was trying to get my career off the ground. Eventually, I would discover the truth about the cult. I would learn the truth about the Christ. I was thankful to know that I was moving towards Him then, and not away from Him.

A great resource for me was archive.org, because much of the writings of the cult from the past had slipped into the public domain. I was able to go back and see all the errors. I saw the changes and the cover-ups. I discovered the ‘miracle wheat’ they sold during the depression, and much more. It was liberating. When I found out how bad they were as false prophets I knew that I was set free. “You shall know the truth, and the truth shall set you free”.

I still didn’t know where I was going, exactly, but I knew where I had been. It wasn’t until some years later I discovered the One, Holy, Catholic, Apostolic Church in Eastern Orthodoxy. The operation of the Holy Spirit opened up to me. I found out about my Guardian Angel, the Theotokos (Mother of God), the Saints, and more.

Now, I commune with them daily. I’ve finally found my true family and home. I can honestly say that whatever it took to get here was worth it. Now, when I wake up, I face the day like a kid again. Full of wonder and surprise, tempered with a very sober view of the type of world were living in.

Not everyone is your friend, and there are few that you can trust. But in my time, I have met and known and loved some truly wonderful beings.

I took a few minutes to look at this page. I want to say this even though I may mention sad events. I may discuss places and things. Yes, many a tragedy is mentioned here. But…

“The kingdom of God is within.” It is also an actual Kingdom that will reign forever upon Christ’s return. For us, it starts within the universe we inhabit. So, what does this mean for us? Well, for one thing, you can ignore the snake oil salesmen. They promise you the way to God. It doesn’t start there. Sometimes you listen to the barker. Before you know it, you’ve been shanghaied. In that moment, there goes several years of your life. You join that circus, and you’re sold down the road of misfortune and freaks. Some people never wake up after they drink that brand of Kool-Aid.

It makes you wonder how many comatose people exist at one time. Being present but unable to connect in a real way with anything is difficult. The state of permafrost and many other factors lead to this big sleep while waking.

I only know I’ve been there. Locked into an ethos, or paradigm, that is poisonous to the soul and destructive at its core. The lies. The lies are what started it all, and we are still paying for it in this age. In this foul year of our Precious Lord.

But, you may say, where is your God now? Why isn’t He helping or delivering us from all this chaos and evil?

Firstly, God is with us always. He never left the world. He bled into the ground with His voluntary sacrifice. Out of the ground came Saints, fruits, miracles, and wonders. For in this way the Lord establishes His Church. And this Tree of Life that continues to grow is there for all to see. And the beauty is, that by God’s grace we can be grafted in.

I was a broken tree branch fallen on the ground. There was nothing left of me. The Lord picked me up. He grafted me up into the Tree. Now I am part of the body of Christ. This is a great occurrence and a heavy responsibility.

Christ is here with me now. This is the resounding answer. He never left my side or the world. He is still working miracles every day with people all over the world. You have to look to see it. God is full of grace toward man. God’s grace does not include helping people win the lottery. It also doesn’t mean He’s helping their favorite sports team to win a game. He’s performing the work of a Great Physician, still healing all those that would drink of life’s waters free.

When God answers are prayers, it is those that are aligned with His will. The things that are good and virtuous and healthy for us. Sometimes not what we ask for directly, but the thing that we really needed in the first place.

The Tree has grown for over two thousand years, and yet, it is not in any way obfuscated. It is plain to all who have the eyes to see and the ears to hear. The body of the Church is made of people, not a building. But yet we are all in communion with one another. We are all connected, and Christ is the Head.

In fact, the Lord told us that He would be with us always, well beyond this age. And so He has. Still, many curse God. They try to pick a fight with Him with words, saying that “if you are God, show me now!” People act and live as if God does not exist, or that they will never reap what they sow.

They live in misery for their actions. They never connect the fact that their pride and avarice have enslaved them. Their lives are more animalistic than sublime.

Ah, but we were created in the Image and Likeness of God, as his children we were. But having fallen, we are still in the image, but lack the likeness of God. We are naturally children of wrath. But God elevates us beyond this life, if we turn to Him in earnest. We do this not for gold or fame. We do this for the stream of water that gives life everlasting. It is for the tree planted by God by that stream. It is for the riches of the Kingdom. These are the things for which there is no law.

On a practical level we can embody these things as fruits that are given to us by grace. These are love, joy, peace, long-suffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. These are gifts of the Holy Spirit, the Heavenly Comforter. We cannot attain these things on our own merits or strength. They are gifts to us if we keep knocking and keep asking.

It is a collaboration with our God.

The world, for all its bright lights, and ‘big new things’, is in need of these very things. We all are. But it’s a choice.

In all my travels, I have really only seen two roads that can be traversed, and they are opposites. One is broad, and that is its appeal. There are many things that glitter, but it is not real. The illusion fades. The gold turns to dust, and everyone that goes down that road doesn’t come back. They wither with weeping and gnashing of teeth.

On that road there are many ways to worship. There are many ways to be or act. However, the end is death just the same.

However, on the King’s Road, the light is eternal and uncreated. It is beyond description. The gold is real. The pearl of great value is real too. The thorns and thistles that come with such a narrow road are there to toughen you up for the Way.

A pearl forms through the irritation of a grain of sand in the oyster. This process takes years of struggle and metamorphosis.

Does not the crushing of the coal produce the diamond?

Yes, we must drink of that cup and be baptized through fire. This is necessary to bring out the diamonds and pearls in this world of wonder. It’s only then that we will ever know God’s plan for us individually. I can tell you it’s much better than anything we can ever dream up for ourselves. In truth, sometimes we only want what’s bad for us. We get attracted by the deceptive light of fading things, and become scarred as a result of this. God saves us from this folly, by teaching us how to live like a tree planted by the stream.

“The Lord is my Shepherd, I shall not want…“

Gods way is superior, and as such, it takes a superior effort. Anyone can say they are saved. But the proof of things is beyond what people see others as, and more of what is. For example, a person may look like the pillar of a community, and yet harbor dark things behind the veil. So we are all veiled from each other to an extent. But God knows, and we know what we are. Some deceive themselves. They also deceive others into thinking they are one thing or disposition. In reality, it is a well-crafted house of cards with no real power to it. This world is an illusion, and you should pay attention to the man behind the curtain.

So we must choose which road we want, even if we don’t know where it is. Then we pray to God from where we are currently. And He works with us from where we are. Not, where we should have been, or could have been…but naked in His sight and right where we are. If we trust in Him and keep knocking, the road will be revealed to us. By keeping asking, things will appear as they are…which is real magic to me.

Just as I said at the outset, I quote one of my songs: “There is a place of infinite madness.” That is only the chaos of the equation. Behind, above, through, beyond, all of that, there is the Kingdom, a place of absolute certainty. May God’s Kingdom come for you and those you love, and may you find the pearl of great value. If you have already found the pearl, I pray that you will hold onto it tightly. Use all you’ve got to keep it.

Until next time,

God Bless and Godspeed